I Am
by Estheim
Summary: A look into the thoughts of the characters. The imbalances, the anger, the insecurities of a person's mind are best told only from his or her own perspective.
1. Dark Vengeance

**I Am ...**   
... Dark Vengeance   
by Josie

There are those who fear the darkness; they cower in corners and whimper at the mere thought of it. Cowards. They have no real place in this world, afraid of even their own shadows, fearing that the darkness will devour them at any moment. He's like that. It's why I can't stand being tied to such a weakling as he has proven himself to be time and time again. He is a hindrance to my progress, to my revenge, and yet I have no choice but to rely on him as my only means of existence at present. 

I would change that in a heartbeat if I could. I hate dependence, I hate weakness, and - more than anything, I should say - I despise his friends. Oh, he sees nothing wrong with them; why would he, after all? He's a fool of a host, believing that the world can be perfect regardless of how often he is shown that it is not so. He thinks that it's perfectly _fine_ to buddy up with that thrice-damned pharaoh. 

I'd kill him, if only I could. Unfortunately, I've long since learned that the death of my _host_ equates to another lengthy imprisonment. It's not as though the location of that is so horrible; the darkness is my greatest asset, and is as much a part of me as blood is to any living human. But that imprisonment could very well cost me my revenge, sending me into even more thousands of years of waiting for my next chance. 

And so the boy lives, lucky little pain in the ass that he is. Sometimes, I almost wonder if he so much as cares. He complains about what acts I've committed with his body; oh yes, he complains. He whines like the stupid little bitch that he is, about how he doesn't want his friends hurt or how he doesn't condone violence. It's about all that he knows how to do; weak little piece of shit that he is, he can't defend himself from anything. What a _joke_ that I am forced to endure his presence. 

My opposite in every way, the boy is _lucky_ that I bother to help him at all - although, truth be told, it's not as though I have too much of a choice. Threats against _him_ are threats against _me_, after all. I cannot afford for some fool to harm this body while I still need it, and, oh, do I need it. My only means of mobility, my one chance at gaining my desperately sought-after revenge. I want nothing more than to taste the blood of those who are responsible for the destruction of my village. 

Unfortunately, that also entails being as cunning as I possibly can to endure _their_ company without suspicion arising. That's not to say that they don't have their uses to me; a simple word of just how they could be harmed, and my host whimpers and allows me free reign to do as I please. The stupid boy would kill himself a thousand times over for his _friends_; weakness, you must understand. In life, you can only trust yourself; friends will abandon you and are thus worthless. 

Everyone will abandon you for themselves. Allies are worthless, and it is only worthwhile to have servants who will do whatever you'd like them to. Those who are controlled with no thoughts of their own are the only ones worth working with. But the stupid fool will never understand such a glorious concept, and I'm stuck with his contempt for my way of life, hearing his consistent, holier-than-thou ranting on how being kind to others is the most worthwhile thing in the world. 

It makes me sick. He refuses to grow up and face the music; the world is not a nice place, and it never has been. If you don't use others, then they will merely use you. That's the way that it has always been, and he's just _itching_ to be the one to get used. He'd throw away his goddamned life to help someone else out. Practically jumps out of his skin shouting, "Pick me! Pick me!" if someone is needed to take the hits for another. 

He'd be better off merely slitting their throats, just as they would do to him if the situation were reversed. Fucking martyrs, there's nothing more annoying than their preaching about how the world should stop fighting and everyone should be friends. The problem is that his stupidity will likely get him killed some day, and that puts me out of a mode of transportation. 

Perhaps a threat to the pharaoh's host will get him to be more careful. He seems to enjoy the boy's presence the most, perhaps because their so similar. It might be difficult to pull off such a threat; it's not so much the lie that's the problem. I am a thief, after all; dishonesty is my way of life. However, he may have discovered already that little Yuugi is necessary to my overall plans. I should never have so openly saved the little brat and defended his rights to the damned pharaoh's puzzle. It would be so much easier to work around if I hadn't. 

The boy is useful, however. There is no denying that. The smallest hint of danger towards him puts the pharaoh at ends, and he will do anything to stop it. He might even be willing to take defeat if it meant saving the boy's life. That is something that I should look into; they're closer than it would seem at first glance, and that closeness will be his downfall. I'll see to that. 

Three thousand years is a long time to wait for what is coming to you. I can tell you that from my own personal experience in the matter. I've waited all of this time for my revenge, and I will not let some stupid, soft host destroy my chance. It took this long for that damned puzzle to be placed back together; it took this long for the fuckwit of a pharaoh to return. This time, I'll destroy him, and that puzzle will be mine. This time, I will have my revenge on the pharaoh and his priests; I'll kill him with my own hands for what happened to my village. 

The problem with idiots like him is that they always feel that love, trust, and working together will get them through anything; they never notice the knife being stuck into their own backs until it's too late. They get their hearts cut out with the smallest effort possible. It will be a deep pleasure to bring his end in such a way. He'll trust - he's stupid enough to trust - because his little host will want him to. The boy sees too much good in people, like the fool that he is. And so the pharaoh will trust, and, when it's much too late for him to do otherwise, he'll die by my hand, the hand of the one that he trusted, even against his own judgment. 

The boy will be a perfect tool, just as my host is a useful vessel. It won't be too long before everything goes my way, and then my vengeance will complete in the darkness. They'll fall like rats, and I'll rise as the victor; the world will know my rage, and it will bow before me. It can do nothing else in the face of dark power. 

I sit and I bide my time, waiting patiently and forming my plans; they would have likely worked, too, if not for fools getting in my way. My damned host with his need to save his worthless 'friends,' and then insisting to never wear my Ring again; he angered me to no end with that stunt. He's lucky that I even allow him back out after that. That goddamned tomb keeper, enabling the pharaoh to win by forcing me to give control of this body back to my host at a crucial moment; oh yes, it would _help_, wouldn't it? It would catch him off his guard and make him afraid to attack, except that it didn't work. That would be proof of the fact that friends are a worthless matter that should never be trusted, though that fool of a host does not see it that way. If I hadn't taken control again for that hit, I'd be out of my mode of transportation once again. It would be most inconvenient and disadvantageous. 

But there are other ways; there are _always_ other ways. His downfall comes in the one that he protects. If it's a choice between his life or the boy's, he'll simply put himself on the line, no questions asked, because of how he feels for his little host. Oh yes, he's predictable enough like that; such a stupid pharaoh. How he was allowed to lead the great kingdom is something I will never understand; blood rights are a fool's game, and always have been. That is not likely to change anytime soon. 

He'll crumble easily, and the rest will follow after. Who will be able to oppose me when the Items are all in my hands? This darkness within me, this darkness that is so fully a part of me, will be the end of him and all of those that he holds so very dear to himself. His quick temper, his rage at the sight of me; it's all so predictable, and the moment that he sees me so much as _reach_ for his precious host? He'll be ready for his death by jumping out as fast as he will. All the better and easier for me. 

His devotion and desire to be the protector, his eternal existence as the forlorn and ill-tempered martyr of a king; he won't be able to resist the opportunity to jump in and attempt to save the day. He'll effectively put his own head on the chopping block to practically _beg_ for the executioner's axe to come down upon him. But that won't be enough. That could never be enough. Oh no, first I'll destroy him in the one way that will hurt him the most; I'll turn his pathetic, _precious_ little host against him, destroy the boy's faith and trust in him until it is shattered beyond repair. He'll die alone, hated, and forgotten. I will destroy him just as he remembers _everything_. He won't have any chance against me, because I hold all of the cards and the keys. I know what needs to be done, and he has no choice but to follow along as I lead him through it, right into my trap. I'll have won before it's even begun, and his friends - especially little Yuugi - will ensure that he has no chance of escape beyond defeat. 

He'll crumble just as the boy that he holds so dearly turns his back on him. Yuugi is the perfect pawn in my plan, oblivious though he is. The pharaoh will fall in desperation, reaching for the boy's favor again, and he will be turned away. He'll shatter as the trust is broken, and he'll never recover. He'll accept his defeat with open arms, to get away from his solitude, like the fool that he is. It is a perfect plan, and it will run smoothly, from start to finish. His time will end soon. 

They say the thief never wins; they're all fucking stupid. 

- - -

**Disclaimer:** Yuugiou is the intellectual property of Kazuki Takahashi. I do not claim any right to the series or its characters, and I should probably apologize for the hell I'm likely to be putting them through in this story.   
**Author's Note:** I sat around for a long time trying to think of what would be a good gift to a friend for her birthday; finally, I decided on this, a character-piece series (well, the first chapter of it, anyway). 


	2. Hopeless Abandon

**I Am ...**   
... Hopeless Abandon   
by Josie

He means a lot to me. It's probably sad, in a way, but it's the honest truth. I know that I would not be where I am without him - my other self, the one who holds the second half of my soul - and that makes him mean so much more than anyone else ever could. 

The problem is that I'm not quite sure what to think most of the time. He's a wonderful person in every way, and he's everything that I could never be. That makes him special, precious. Wrong? I suppose, in a way, that it could be. I'm his guardian, his protector; to have these feelings for him could very well be more wrong than anything else that I have ever done, up to and including the times that I would very willingly cause blood to shed in the name of keeping him safe. I never want to see him hurt, and would give anything to keep a smile on his face. The light in his eyes when he is happy is something that could keep me going for eternity. 

I wouldn't dare voice these thoughts to him, however. I would worry him, I am sure, if I let him know how I felt; he tries so hard - bless him for that - to give everyone what will make them happiest. He gives whatever he can of himself quite willingly just to ensure that others will not be pained, and so I know that, if I were to let him know just how much he means to me, he would give whatever he could of himself to keep me happy, as well, regardless of his own feelings. That is just how he is. 

It's ironic, I suppose. I'm like him, in that way, sacrificing myself for his happiness without even so much as a second thought. It doesn't matter, really, what I want or what I need. I'm just a disembodied spirit, tied to an inanimate - though powerful - object, as I have been for centuries now. I share his body, and he doesn't even mind. Well, most of the time, anyway. It does bother him at times, when the jokes that I make border on relentless teasing or disconcerting inappropriateness. 

It's a sign of the ages, however. What is inappropriate now was perfectly commonplace when I lived, I'd wager. I don't remember too well, of course; that's one of my biggest problems and concerns. I _don't_ remember anything from then, and so I can't say with any form of certainty that my thoughts have ever been proper, nor can I say that my idea of justice would be considered natural at any point in history. I just get by on a belief that they were; it's all that I have anymore. 

Sometimes, belief and hope are all that we have to enable us to get by. Everything happens for a reason, right? So there must be some reason that I was trapped for so long, with no chance for escape, no ability to see any form of redemption for my nameless crimes. Crimes? I don't know when I began to think that I had been some form of criminal, honestly; I simply know that I did believe it, perhaps too fully. I'm not sure if even knowing that I was a king once changes that belief, for what sort of king ends up in a prison as terrible as that puzzle? Torn into hundreds of pieces, waiting for thousands of years - through torture and helplessness - for someone, anyone to save him; that is not the fate of a king. It couldn't possibly be ... 

And yet, it was mine, and, in many ways, it still is. There are times when I fear that this is all some waking dream, my last hold to sanity, and I will awaken to find myself exactly where I had thought myself to have escaped from, chained and broken, bleeding with no salvation in sight. Am I some sort of avenger, here to protect those who cannot save themselves? Was my purpose to be his valiant defender, a knight in shining armor to take away all of the problems of his life? Could I ever be that sort of man? My thoughts border on murderous - I never did have any problems with killing if necessary, even though it would bring the most terrible consequences onto him. But to protect him, I would do anything. 

A dark knight, perhaps: the sort that he would never want to associate with, and yet he is so willing to trust without even knowing much about me. 

But for all of my adorations, for all of my thoughts of his perfection and purity, I know better than anyone that he's not as innocent as many would take him for. Even before I came into his life, he had seen more than someone his age, in this time, should have ever had to deal with. 

He knows pain, and he always has. Perhaps that is where my protectiveness comes from. I know of his past, and have ever since I awoke thanks to his completing of my puzzle. My puzzle? I cannot truly claim ownership, in honesty, when that very Item was my prison; a prison to hold me in for thousands of years, for whatever wrongs that I cannot even remember. And he, the one that I love, became the savior who broke my chains and allowed me to become one with him. 

Only to an extent, of course. I'm not one with him in every way, and certainly not in the way that I wish that I could be. But that's alright, really. A guardian, a protector ... that is what I am, and that is all that I should ever remain. I would abandon my own feelings for him if I could, if only to keep him happy for eternity. My joy doesn't - shouldn't - be a factor at all. In the end, I already had my chance at life and fulfillment, and it would be wrong of me to attempt to rob him of his. 

So I dote on him in silence, watch him from the shadows, and keep him on my mind at all times. His friends find it strange, the way that I will always steer conversations to revolve around him; Anzu has questioned me about it more than once, demanding answers for my affections. She's concerned about what it might do to him, I know. She always has been worried about his well being. A mother hen of sorts ... at least when it comes to my partner. 

The problem is that she knows as well as I do what will happen in the end. I can't get too close; I've always known that I can't. Even before I had any hints about who I may be, and about what it would mean to remember my past, I knew that it was unlikely that I would ever be able to stay with him forever, regardless of how much we might want to remain together. I knew ... 

And yet I've never once adhered to following through with what I _should_ do. 

See, it's funny. I know when I've done something wrong. It's fairly obvious from the way that my partner will get all quiet and refuse to speak with me. Take, for instance, the time that I was ready to let Kaiba jump off of that tower. He was afraid to trust me after that, because of my arrogance, and I should have allowed him to keep that distance between us. Yet, I couldn't. I wouldn't be able to survive without his voice whispering encouragement to me. I wouldn't be able to survive with his scorn, his hatred. I'm almost ashamed to say that I begged for his forgiveness, begged for him to accept me. I would have given anything for his trust, and I was overjoyed when he gave it back to me so willingly. There are those who would have a field day with the knowledge of that. That thief, for instance. 

But my partner is good about it; he's never told anyone about how desperate I was for his approval, and I know that he never will. He's too honorable. 

How long can I protect him for, and how much can I protect him from? I would be a fool to say that I will be able to keep everything from harming him. All that I am able to do is come to the forefront when he is in danger; allow him to give control of his body to me, so that I can get him out of whatever bad situation has befallen him. I can deal with our enemies; I can run them off, and bring him to safety, but that is the extent of my protection. 

I cannot save him from the pain of loss. He will lose me one day, and we have grown much too close for that to not affect him. My fault. I should never have allowed myself to become this important to him, but I'm afraid that it is too late now. We talk every night - and often during the day, as well. I keep his mind off of his worries by allowing him to just ramble on for hours about whatever is on his mind, and he helps me through my troubles by listening to me go on about them. 

Too close; best friends, in every way. I made a grave error by allowing things to progress this far. How could I possibly leave him alone, knowing that I have become an important person to him? Perhaps not as important as he is to me - hopefully not, at least - but still important, nonetheless. A fool of a king; that is all that I am, all that I will ever be. What wrongs have I committed? This would certainly top the list, I know that much. 

But I will do what I can. I will keep him from harm as best as I can. That's all that I can do now, and perhaps all that I have ever been able to do. I only fear that it is all that I will ever be able to do. My partner trusts me so very much, and I can only do so little. Every time, I merely let him down, and he trusts me all the more. And why? Because he knows how it would hurt me if he didn't. He cannot allow himself to hurt anyone; it is not in his nature. He is too self-sacrificing, I'm afraid. 

The kicker, of course, is that it's my fault. My fault that he's in danger so very often, my fault that his life has been put in danger again and again. They are after me, after my life, and he gets mixed in by default. My partner ... how could I ever ask for forgiveness for this crime that I commit against you every passing moment? This crime that I commit by merely existing so close to you. I'm sorry ... but, even with that, there is no apology that could ever make up for this. 

I am the one that will give up everything for him. I am the one that will lose all hope if it would give him the best possible life, with all of the happiness that he could ever wish for. I would give up everything, if only he could smile for eternity. Even my own peace, my own bliss. It is worthless, if he is unhappy. To me, at the very least. To me, the sun rises and sets, simply with him. How strange, these feelings; I could swear that I never felt anything like this before coming to be with him. 

All that I am, all that I can ever be, is this wandering spirit, tied to a puzzle and existing through the body of another. It will change one day, perhaps, but that change will tear me from the one that I wish to be with and from all that I have grown close to now. Everything that I hold dear, everyone that I hold dear. And him, my partner. The one that I will protect against everything. The one that I will give up everything for. I would abandon all hope ... and solely exist to keep him safe. 

- - -

**Disclaimer:** Yuugiou is the intellectual property of Kazuki Takahashi. I do not claim any right to the series or its characters, and I should probably apologize for the hell I'm likely to be putting them through in this story. 


End file.
